It was a regular morning, getting ready to go to college.
I needed to walk 800 m to the bus stop, then take a very crowded bus to college and then back to a bit of walking. It was a routine that etched into my brain and was almost like clockwork most of the days.
That walk to the bus stop was mostly uneventful where I felt that I could listen to all those stray thoughts, hum a tune or observe the people that walk past. In some streets aunties would be putting rangoli and car cleaners doing their morning jobs or newspaper boys cycling their way through those mains and crosses.
I said bye to Grandma, picked up my backpack and started walking through the street. I took a left from the street where my house was and strolled off, as usual. A very unusually no activity street, but who cares. I continued walking. Out to the other end of the street a cyclist, with some creaking chains was gathering speed and was closing in to where I was. I didn’t notice his direction, though. He came faster than I could gauge and with an extended arm, he did the unthinkable. He slammed his hand on my chest and cycled past, with no fear or shakiness in his peddling. He looked back and grinned and zoomed off. I looked across the road, I did see 1 gentleman entering the street with his pet dog. I was sure he couldn’t see what happened. I looked to the direction the cycling cycled off, raised my hand and tried to shout ‘ Aaaii, Excuse me!’ But no voice came out. I tried again and this time it was louder than a whisper. I stood there for a few more minutes, frozen to the spot. My body was in a shock. I slowly tried to shake it out and walk off from there before he would cycle back and come back for me. My eyes welled up. I yet could feel that pressure hit on my chest. The man with the dog finally caught up with me and asked, “Are you ok dear. what happened. did he touch you” *so he did see him cycling off* I tried to talk, but I couldn’t trust him, as well. I started doubling my pace and rushed to a more crowded main road. I stopped for a bit to cross the road, not able to gauge why my heart was paining, eyes were filled. I wiped off those tears that started streaming down. Tried to suppress my weeping and wanted to just cross the road and be off, but my feet just felt so heavy that I couldn’t move on. All those memories, where I was petrified of the rogue man standing close to me and leaning on me in the bus or some man rushing to pick the ladies seat so that he could traumatise me with his closeness flooded the brain of mine. Every woman goes through these silently or not so silently, I did not know then. I was trying hard to let go of those petrifying moments, but here was another one that nearly brought me to my knees.
Just when I thought I couldn’t go any further, I heard a honk and a familiar car. It was my dad. I was so relieved to see him, I wanted to burst out, but I held on. How can I explain to him what happened. He just got back from his night shift, probably waiting to catch some sleep. He asked me if I wanted a drop to college. I nodded and got in. Never in those college years, did he ever need to drop me, because it was a very publicly accessible college. But that day when I felt like a bit of heart just crumbled in, he came there beside me as a wall of stone to lean on. It was a silent car ride. Every time my mind went back to the rogue-cyclist, my tears leaked out. But I sniffed it off, since I didn’t want to let anyone know I am hurt. He might have taken notice of the subdued and a sniffing me but never asked me about it.
I felt a strange sense of strength while I drove beside him in the car. Thinking of my dad, as an angel in wings who just came back from night shift, to pick me up when I needed him the most. Not to console me with words but to pass on some strength, to pick myself and get through the day.
That day it felt like I was a little baby chick, strolling through the darkest valley, with an eagle waiting on the nearest tree branch, waiting to swoop me and take me away. And when the father hen came in, he swooped me into his Zen lxi and made me feel like no one could touch me from then on. I truly believe that the Lord, my shepherd, sent in my dad to pick me up.
This memory stays with me on and on and it reminds me of the love. He has for me!
And this verse keeps playing in my head every time I feel the crippling fear, like I did that day!
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil,
For you are with me.
Your rod and your staff comforts me!
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