Dear almost-orphaned-blog,
I am sorry for leaving u out there with no activity. But really I wonder will u ever be active. Ever again.???
Anyways, before I lose out my handful of readers. Let me re-introduce happy-mabre.
"Imperfecto Patro-mum." Waves her invisible wand.
That is me. A mum, who has been imperfect since the day she remembers. Today's write up is about me and my parenting imperfections. I am a mum of 2 boys, very energetic, enthusiastic, inquisitive. One is 6.7589 year old and another 2.675 years old.
This 1.5 years of covid era has been an eye- opener, especially the last few months. Parenting them was overwhelming. Countless nights, I would be tearing up over my dish pile on the sink, thinking of how helpless I feel. The lack of time and their energy pushed me to ends where I couldn't meet. I felt guilty with all the late night work calls. Work was never easy as we're trying to deploy a mountain of code with ever changing targets. There was not many days where I felt satisfied with the work I did (not that it was not interesting, it was just the so-much-to-do-in-so- less-time-with-a-workenvironment-full-of-childrens-screams) . So it was a melting pot, that was always reaching the boiling point. I lashed, I screamed, I yelled, I cried. It was my family that saw the vulnerable side of mine.
One night during the second wave lockdown, when I was scrubbing the dishes with water and some salty tears, I needed to drown my thoughts. I put on my pods and randomly searched for christian podcast on parenting. I needed help I knew. I came across Joyful mudpuddles by Meaghan Jackson. Her Monday devotional spoke to me. I finished my late night chore with some freeing thoughts. It was then I came across something called gentle parenting.
And that has been my goal the last few months.
It has been a journey. But I can see clearer, think better and also loving my interactions with children. The more I read about it, the more I realise, that there are gentler options to everything. I haven't done much, but it's ok. There is time to correct myself.
I would love to share a few things I learnt.
Checkin with yourself through the day. Just a few minutes in between, even if it is a trip to the restroom. Talk to yourself and see if you are fine. You need to fix your large emotions before we try to solve our kids problems.
Set yourselves goals to be a gentle. I did that by journaling about it or taking week wise challenges, to count the times I was able to patiently handle Jos classes, to count the nights I was able to read a story with Jo, to count the times I hugged them.
I have not got a good hold of my emotions as yet, but atleast I know I am not doing it the right way. I pause while my temper goes wild. I also apologise to my children for being harsh or spanking them, if I do.
There is a huge mountain to climb. I probably am yet at the foot, looking up at the humungousness of this journey up the mountain. But atleast I am glad I was able to pick myself up And not give up.
Lord, I need your grace and mercy to be a better parent. During this journey of learning and unlearning, help me to strive forward and not give up.
Signing out with my favourite verse in the Bible.
Love is patient. Love is kind. .....1Corinthians 13:4
Imperfecto Patro-mum.
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